Forgive me if I’ve already written this blog before, but it occurred to me last weekend as I was telling my 5-year-old for the fifth time that day to “take that out of your mouth” that I’ve been repeating that phrase over and over for almost 30 years. When it comes to parenting, there are lots of subtleties, but most often there are outright commands. It reminds me of what my favorite elementary school headmistress Ella Jane (EJ) Kunkle says to every incoming class of kindergarten parents: “Our job is to civilize your children.” Mrs. Kunkle brings her English bulldogs to work with her. She knows all about civilizing. I adore her.
Originally I tried to make this a list of 10 things I say all the time. But the truth is there are only really five that are essential and incredibly well-worn. They are:
- Take that out of your mouth. You don’t really want the list of things that have been in there, do you? It starts so young…the wads of dog hair and other pet items. Old food. Dangerous items. Toxic items. Poisonous things. Things loaded with bisphenols and pthalates and chemicals. This weekend it was a Polly Pocket Mermaid with Sparkles. God only knows what toxins are in that thing and where it’s been…
- Wash your hands. With soap. The stickiness. The filth. The germs. I comfort myself with the knowledge that studies have shown that a generous exposure to germs builds strong immune systems but still…good lord, those little hands can be a frightening sight.
- I’m counting to three. One…two…Now I’ve written about this one before, I know, and some people said it didn’t work for them. It works for me. I have NEVER gotten to three. The trick is in the combination of deadly menacing voice with Merlin’s mesmerizing eyes. Think Clint Eastwood combined with, well, Merlin. I’m sure there’s a Harry Potter character that is like Merlin but I know Merlin best. The other trick is to dole out the punishment before you get to three. Never SAY three. Just say, “That’s it; go sit on the naughty chair” or whatever your favorite punishment is.
- Five more bites. I don’t know why but five works for my family. Sometimes it’s the only food they get in their mouth the whole meal. In which case, five seems to be enough to keep them well nourished (although not necessarily tall). The goal is to get them started eating so that suddenly they forget why they didn’t want to eat and just keep on eating. But if that doesn’t work, five is enough.
- I love you. It never gets tired. We never hear it or say it enough. This past weekend I took the little one to a real ballet. She’s been leaping around the house and taking an after-school ballet class. It was a risk taking her to the American Ballet Theatre performance in New York City. This was no nutcracker. It was the real deal. Modern. Intellectual. Powerful. Halfway through the second dance, she turned to me to say something. I thought she was going to tell me she was hungry or had to go to the bathroom. But she whispered “I love you so much.” My heart melted.
That’s what it’s all about. That’s why we say all those other things over and over again. We want them to grow up safe, healthy, and civilized enough to know that the best thing of all is love. To love and be loved…and being loved the way we want to be loved is the best of all.
Tony will no doubt tell you that Jonathan’s secret weapon was to say to the kids that there would be ‘ructions’ if such and such was not done. They never did work out what the ructions might be – but it worked a treat!
Love this Maria!
A wonderful reminder of the most important thing is love. Always has been, always will be. I love this post and you for posting it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I was a good child, even if I say so myself. I kept to myself mostly, and didn’t do much of anything to incur the wrath of grandmother or mother, so I never got that that much. The rest of the kids did, especially my brother who was a terror. I always heard, “Didn’t I tell you not to……………………..? Luckily for me, I learned fast and only got punished twice during my childhood. About love. That’s all there is left in this crazy world. If and when we lose that, we’ve lost everything.
Happy Thanksgiving one and all. May it be fill with family, friends and most of all LOVE!
Really good list!
There is one more that brought me a good thing. My Mom would often point out how irresponsible I was. So I believed I was. Then about age 30 I got an amazing promotion I wasn’t expecting because others had better education, more experience, were better looking, plus I was female in male dominated territory! I was happy for the promotion and later asked my boss why he chose me. He said, you are the most responsible employee in this firm! YAY for Mom