Everyone’s lives are different, just like every person is different. What’s most different about my life, it seems to me, is that I’ve had small kids at home for the past 30 years (currently, ages 30, 15, and 5). And while I get my fair share of time away from them, it’s usually while traveling or working, not at home. Alone.
Some strange confluence of activities meant I had my first weekend home alone that I can remember. Probably in forever. Because if kids were gone, the husband was about. Or one kid would be at camp, but the other was toddling about. So it took me a bit of time to adjust to the reality of it. DO YOU MEAN I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, WHENEVER I WANT?????!!!!! Holy crap. What a concept. Now, some of you may be used to this. But I am not. By the time I make the weekend list of everyone else’s schedules of Things That Must Be Done, I am left with a few precious hours to decide what I want and usually NEED to do. You know, bills, food-shopping, errands. I’m lucky if I can fit in a run. Although, my one steady sacred time is Sunday Yoga.
I love my kids, of course I do. And I want them all to return home safely. But I must say I learned a lot about myself this weekend that I don’t want to forget.
- I can focus. I went to the Velodrome on Friday night and, for the first time I could remember, could have conversations with people without jerking my head around to see where my kids went, being begged for food or drink, or having to stand in line for AN HOUR to get a face painted. Not mine. It felt so odd. Same with the rest of the time. People weren’t asking me to take them to the mall, get them a drink, or help them find something. Remarkable!
- I still like to cook (and eat). In fact, doing so was even more pleasurable because I could make exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it. I’m trying to go gluten free to see what it feels like, and Friday afternoon I had a bowl of Nature’s Path Honeyed Corn Flakes with Organic Valley Milk and the last pure ripe and red strawberries from my garden. Heaven! Well, that’s not cooking, I know, but I did also cook and I liked it.
- I love my garden even more. Partly because I have time to pay attention to it. But especially because I have more time to enjoy it. To sit back and relax and stare adoringly at my trees and flowers (God, nature is amazing!). Or to eat from it. I was making veggie fried rice from leftovers for an early lunch on Sunday and I thought it could use some peas. I looked in my freezer and realized I didn’t have any. Then—DUH!—remembered there were peas in my garden. Now, this may seem remedial to some, but when one is rushing about trying to feed multiple palates, it’s easy to forget what’s fresh right outside the door.
- Naps are wonderful. Yes, the drooling kind. On the couch with the door open and the summer sun shining in. No one shouting “Mom!” in the background.
- I’m an artist. If you had asked me what I wanted to be when I was 14, I would have said an artist. But then reality checks in and the idea of making a living takes over, and even an art degree feels like a lost dream (I have one, by the way). An afternoon of painting for the sake of my own pleasure (not for anyone else’s viewing pleasure or for potential sale) reminds me that I am blissful and most joyful when I’m getting paint stuck on the bottom of my bare feet and in that zone where all that matters is color, vision, dreaming, and creation. My new glasses help, too.
- I still probably spend too much time in front of the computer. Some bad habits will likely take more than one weekend to break.
- But I still don’t turn on the TV. I was tempted to watch a movie on Saturday night. As much because I wanted buttered popcorn as anything…except that I had FREE TIME. So instead, I listened to a meditation CD that someone gave me and I would never have had uninterrupted time to enjoy and I watched the lightning bugs.
- I get a lot more done. But don’t feel a sense of panic that it must be done.
- It’s remarkable how much time is left when you don’t have to clean up after people all weekend long. But the weekend is still too short and still goes too fast.
- I am not fundamentally crabby!!!! I think sometimes my family would like me to believe that I am predominantly crabby. But like kids—kids are crabby when they are hungry or tired or aren’t getting enough attention—moms are crabby when they don’t have time to take care of their own needs. Or are hungry, tired, not getting enough attention, or overworked taking care of everyone else’s needs. Besides, my definition of fun is FUNdamentally different from the rest of my family’s. Art museum, anyone? Exactly.
I know this is the part where I’m supposed to say I miss them, I love them, and I want them back. I do. But I can wait a little bit. And I don’t miss them that much. In fact, other than the littlest one, I know they don’t miss me, either. And that’s the way it should be. I did my job to raise independent and confident women. And sometimes, it’s OK for us all to have our free time and space.
Oh Maria, Maria! How much we have in common sometimes is uncanny. I don’t have kids, but I have a husband that is retired, and a little doggy that, I swear, they think that they need constant attention. It is so rare to find time for me! When I get time, it is peace in the valley! I have always been a loner, so-to-speak. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and dog, but I wish that they would go away by themselves sometimes, and give me room to breathe!! I drop hints, but…………….
I love the fact of spending a day or two just doing nothing, or everything, that “I” want to do, or NOT! Of eating and cooking what I want, of turning up the radio with ’80’s rock without getting “looks” (you know the type). Of staying out in the garden working all day, from early morn until 8pm without having to interrupt for lunch, dinner or idle talk! Piddling around the house, taking the car and visiting different neighborhoods, visiting an acquaintance or friend that have the day off, and lunching together. Baking something delicious for myself, reading a long ago bought book (3 years ago), paying attention to my orchids and being with myself.
Right, I don’t really miss them when they are away (rarely), because they always seem to be around in spirit. That, in itself, is enough for me!
I too, am an artist! Went to university for fashion design, but, my mother talked me into finding a better profession to make a decent living, pharmacy was it, and so it goes.
P.S. I get crabby when I keep repeating, and having to do the same things over and over, without my husband paying attention to what I ask of him. Otherwise, I’m pretty much laid back.
Sounds like heaven Maria~I’m sooooo jealous because I would love just a weekend…and would have done many of those same things…except no painting and I would have definitely watched a chic flick on Saturday night – with coconut oil popcorn ~
My kids are long out of the nest as are my former students, like you, for one.(30 years ago)My gardening time is all behind me, but my studio is down the hall from my bedroom and I put it to good use nearly every day. I have evolved into being a good cook too. Cooking and printmaking are related , but different recipes.
You go girlfriend!!!
Maria, our ideas of fun seem to be quite similar. Art museum? Anyday! I tell my family all the time – “I am to fun! (said with a frowny face : ] ) My friends think I am; I even get laughs at work.”
On the other hand, my youngest will be a senior in high school this year. I’m pretty sure I’m going to feel like I have too much me time when he’s gone.
The mouth on you! You make me laugh. Out loud. I’d love to sit next you at a dinner party.
You Ladies Rock…… Peace & Quiet, Nature, Gardening, Beautiful Sunny days in the 70’s and streams running through the woods, along with starry skys and Full Moons.
You know if you water those flowers, the Bee’s and Butterfly’s will come. I love the green grass of Kentucky on my bare feet :o)
James
Please put me on your mailing list. I’m, an artist, and love your likemindedness.
Cheers,
Thea
Raising my son in New York City seemed to be my training for over scheduling and simply overdoing. I no longer have him as my excuse. Thanks for the reminder. Listening to Philip Glass just now as I sip my jasmine green tea and watch the world drift by. Thanks Maria.
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